xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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