The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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