At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
