I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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