so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
