You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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