I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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