how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I deserve this hangover.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
