I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
