I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
