god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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