I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
