Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
