I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
