He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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