A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
