I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
