: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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