We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
