Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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