i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
