wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
