Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
