New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize