I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
