i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
