pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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