the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
