I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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