conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
