The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
