I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So much Jack, so little girl.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
