I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
