Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
