she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
