508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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