Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
