Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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