First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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