so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
