If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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