So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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