One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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