he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
