I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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