just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
