if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize