Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
