Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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