just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
