I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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