One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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