whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
