woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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