Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize