Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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