At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
