if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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