i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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