Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
