At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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