dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
