If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
