Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
