nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
