It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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