and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
