too bad you live with your parents still
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
