There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
