Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
