I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
