Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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