I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize