On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
