what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize