what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
